15 facing life
Chapter 5 Part 2
This memoir is a collection of memories, stories, and experiences that have shaped my transformation from a 15 year old boy navigating life and death in the streets of my hometown, to finding hope in a maximum security adult prison with a life without parole sentence, and building a life of freedom beyond prison walls. My sincerest hope and intention is that you will connect with the shared human experience of overcoming your circumstances and worst mistakes to become the person you were always meant to be.
“It was deep inside of me and felt like complete hopelessness, despair, fear, uncertainty and defeat all at the same time. I never felt anything like it in my life. I was shocked as I realized I was not in control of my mind at that moment. There was no convincing myself that everything was going to be okay. I was feeling the raw reality of how much trouble I was in. This feeling was so sudden and so acute that all I could do was put the pillow over my head and squeeze my eyes shut until I fell asleep.”
Chapter 5 Part 2
Once my attorneys arrived, they came over to speak with me. seeing them made me smile. this would become an unconscious habit at every Court date. I instantly felt more at ease knowing they were there. It was my first time meeting Eric. He, like Kevin, was cool as hell. It was interesting, seeing the two of them together. Kevin is a very laid-back, thoughtful, and maybe even more of an emotional person. Whenever he spoke to me it felt like he really considered carefully what words to use.He is very genuine and straight up. I always appreciated his honesty, whether it was favorable or not.
Eric is very genuine as well. But while Kevin was the more serious of the two, Eric was always the lighthearted funny one. He could be very serious as well, especially when dealing with the judge or prosecutor, but when it was the three of us he was always high energy and good vibes.
It was nice being there in court, with the two of them for the first time. They explained to me again what to expect from my judge and how to respond. Things went exactly as they said it would. What stood out to me the most was how the judge spoke to me as if I were any other grown man coming through his courtroom as if admonishing 15-year-old kids about murder charges and potentially spending the rest of their lives in prison was normal business in his courtroom. He reinforced my feelings of not wanting to be vulnerable or trust the criminal justice system. I plead not guilty.
I was in front of my judge for every bit of a few minutes and it was over. I spoke with Kevin and Eric for a second afterwards. They told me that I would be assigned a new judge who would preside over my case moving forward. They also told me that my court date was the following month. And at that appearance an actual trial date would be set for me, but that I shouldn’t expect to go to trial so soon.I was good with that, just hearing that a trial date was being said was all I needed to hear. I disregarded everything that came after that!
Ultimately, it would take a total of about 18 months before my trial started. So, while I left that court appearance feeling excited and full of expectations, that would begin to change as my trial dates were constantly pushed back.
At that moment though, I had great energy. I had my first court appearance and two great attorneys who were fighting for me. I also had court the following month with the expectation there would be a trial date set. I was feeling really good.
I made it to my next court date without any issues. We went through the same routine. The tour through the County jail, Down and through the creepy tunnel and passed the bull pens, heading straight to my courtroom. The only difference this time was that I had a new courtroom and a different judge. My name was called and I made the slow walk from the jury box to the judge’s bench. He was sitting up pretty high. I had to look up at him. When I did I saw that he was looking right at me. He was all business. He looked like he was strict and he had zero tolerance for b******* in his courtroom. He greeted me very respectfully and then got straight down to business with my attorneys in the prosecutors. They discussed the prosecution’s obligation to turn over all discovery documents related to my case. Discovery is all of the police reports, witness statements, and any other forms of evidence that the police and prosecutors are in possession of. disclosure is required by law, and failure to do so could result in what’s known as a Brady violation, which would require a new trial to be granted if the violation occurs after someone has been convicted.
The discovery materials are essentially everything that was produced after the investigation by law enforcement. It’s the prosecution’s case in full. It was critical that I and my attorneys had everything so we would have a fair chance of defending me.
That court date mainly concerned our discovery request. My judge made it clear that I should have all of my discovery material before my next court date, which would be another 60 days or so away. I can’t remember the dates exactly, but almost all my court dates were 30 to 60 days apart.
At the end of the discussion the judge set a date for my next appearance. He also said a trial date to follow that. The idea being that I’d have a status court date set to give either side a chance to make my request, address any concerns, file motions, and most importantly, inform the judge as to whether we were prepared to proceed to trial on the scheduled date, or if we were seeking a continuance. For example, if I had a status date in March, I’d also have a trial date set in late March or April. I had a request for a speedy trial on file, so this prevented the prosecution from delaying my trial indefinitely. If I were to say At my March status date that I was ready to go to trial, the judge would be obligated by law to start my trial within 120 days or dismiss my charges against me.
Most trial dates are continued at the agreement of both parties until both sides are ready to go. That was the case for me, for the most part. I kept seeing my trial date pushed back and it was heartbreaking every time for me.