“I spent a lot of time daydreaming about what it would be like for Dallis being a mom and how much I would enjoy seeing it. I wanted to give that to her. I also day dreamed about what it would be like to be a Dad. Anyone who was close to me prior to me getting locked up knew how much I love kids.”
This memoir is a collection of memories, stories, and experiences that have shaped my transformation from a 15 year old boy navigating life and death in the streets of my hometown, to finding hope in a maximum security adult prison with a life without parole sentence, and building a life of freedom beyond prison walls. My sincerest hope and intention is that you will connect with the shared human experience of overcoming your circumstances and worst mistakes to become the person you were always meant to be.
Medium security just meant that there were less restrictions and more programming available. The officers still treated people like s***, but for the most part I found my own way and didn’t have any issues. It was much better than Menard. I was able to stay out of the way and do my own thing. If a person could do that and have respect for the people around them then they were good.
I was able to take advantage of the programs within the first few months. I enrolled in an Associate’s degree program through Lakeland College. The study was in Liberal Arts. Unfortunately, I think I spent more time in my cell than I did in class. The school had trouble keeping a Dean on staff. It seemed like no one wanted to work in the prison. It was understandable though. The culture embraced by the prison staff wasn’t very pro-education or rehabilitation when it came to us. It felt like the officers hated the fact that we were being offered an opportunity to earn a degree. In their minds, we were there to simply sit in our cells and do our time. Anything more than that was a waste of time and money.
Being at Western was the beginning of a new chapter for me. I’d put Menard in my rear view and was on my way towards earning my degree. It was refreshing. It was also the beginning of a new chapter for Dallis and I. Married life was good. It was smooth. I really just kept doing the things I was good at, which was being myself. Dallis and I spent some time on visits as usual and as we were getting used to the change, we began to focus on our future. Specifically, the potential timeline for my freedom and us starting a family.
My appeal had slowed down drastically. The Illinois Supreme Court was still reviewing my case and there was no time limit on when the court had to make a ruling. The idea was that my freedom would come in the near future if they’re ruling was in my favor. Then we would be able to start a family right away. That didn’t seem to be realistic though.
We were both ready to start a family. I had been noticing for a while that Dallis had a strong case of baby fever. I noted it in visits when there were babies or young kids around. She’d also told me several times how bad she wanted to have a “little Dre” running around the house. To be able to start our own little family. I remember it all. I wanted the same thing. I spent a lot of time daydreaming about what it would be like for Dallis being a Mom and how much I would enjoy seeing it. I wanted to give that to her. I also day dreamed about what it would be like to be a Dad. Anyone who was close to me prior to me getting locked up knew how much I love kids. I had - still do - a very special bond with my younger sister and my two nephews. All of them were about 6 months old or younger when I was taken away.
I wanted nothing more than to be a Dad. If someone would have asked me at 15 years old I would have told him I was ready. This was a bit different though. The idea of starting a family with Dallis was precious. To share our life together was one thing. To share the life of a child together was on another level. It was something I had thought about on a regular basis.
Dallis and I spent a lot of time talking about starting a family and what that would look like. We basically had two options: we could wait and see how my legal situation played out, or we could try to start a family immediately using the IVF process.