15 facing life

March 13, 2012

This memoir is a collection of memories, stories, and experiences that have shaped my transformation from a 15 year old boy navigating life and death in the streets of my hometown, to finding hope in a maximum security adult prison with a life without parole sentence, and building a life of freedom beyond prison walls. My sincerest hope and intention is that you will connect with the shared human experience of overcoming your circumstances and worst mistakes to become the person you were always meant to be.

Chapter 6 - Part 1

I had not seen society in about 15 months at that time, so I was sort of soaking up all that freedom remembering what it felt like and using it as a hope for my future.

The ride to the county this time was much different than my usual trips to the courthouse. On my previous rides I was always sitting in the back of a van with no windows. This time though, I was in a SUV with tinted windows. I had not seen society in about 15 months at that time, so I was sort of soaking up all that freedom remembering what it felt like and using it as a hope for my future. It felt good sitting there thinking that I could be free again in the near future.

We arrived again at the jail cell report. This time when we stepped into the booking/reception area we didn’t just pass through it. I was placed in the bullpen with the other men who had been booked in the previous day before. They were still being processed which was weird to me. It made me wonder how long it took to get processed. in HDC it usually took only a couple of hours.

I had gotten there about 9:00 a.m. and there were already about 5 to 10 of us waiting to be processed. More people had come in from the streets as the day went on. At some point I had my fingerprints and photo taken. I just knew that I was on my way at that point. Nope. I sat in that bullpen until 10:00 p.m. The jail officers finally came, had us all file out of the bullpen and grab mattresses and bedrolls (blanket and sheet). Once again, I just knew that we were on our way to a living unit. I was sadly disappointed. The officers led us around a couple of corners into another bullpen that was a little bigger than the previous one, yet still too small for all of us including our mats to fit. There were at least 15 of us and it was overcrowded. We had to lay on our mats on the floor. We were damn near touching each other. There was no laying on your side. not unless you enjoyed smelling and staring at a strange man. I did not enjoy that. I did not enjoy being crammed into the bullpen in any sense. It was extremely uncomfortable. I was surrounded by a bunch of strangers who came from all walks of life, many of whom smelled like they hadn’t showered in days. Some were sick because of drug withdrawal. Everyone was in their feelings except me because they were adjusting to being looked locked up less than 24 hours before. For the most part everyone just minded their own business.

There was only one toilet with no privacy. only one phone, and the lights were turned out. It was not good. I laid on my mat looking at the ceiling thinking about how different the county jail was compared to juvenile detention. I told myself that I had to suck it up, but I had pushed the staff at HDC to make sure the transfer happened so I couldn’t complain. I figured things would get better once we made it out of booking. Well, at some point I fell asleep. It felt like I had been asleep only a couple of hours when the lights came on. of course they were super bright. I noticed that several people were still asleep when I woke up. I couldn’t believe they weren’t fazed by bright ass lights. On top of that, they appeared to be sleeping really well! They were comfortable. I remember thinking to myself that, yeah, they had definitely been through this routine before. for sure.