You could feel the tension beginning to build
In dice, the momentum can shift at any moment and a lot of money could be exchanged in a matter of minutes.
This memoir is a collection of memories, stories, and experiences that have shaped my transformation from a 15 year old boy navigating life and death in the streets of my hometown, to finding hope in a maximum security adult prison with a life without parole sentence, and building a life of freedom beyond prison walls. My sincerest hope and intention is that you will connect with the shared human experience of overcoming your circumstances and worst mistakes to become the person you were always meant to be.
Chapter 1: Part 1
In the summer of 2010, I was spending the summer at my grandma’s house in the south side of Waukegan, better known as “the set” to everyone who is from there. I grew up on the set until my mom moved us away to Beach Park when I was about 10 years old to get away from poverty, gangs, and violence. It was a really hard move for my brother and I because we were very attached to the neighborhood we grew up in, including the culture of poverty and gangs, but also the people who we had strong relationships with. It was our home and moving to Beach Park was hard.
The Beach Park community was great. We moved into a brand new town home in a really nice subdivision. It was probably more upper middle class and seemed pretty diverse. It was also safe and peaceful. There were no gangs or any violence no drugs being sold on the corners or police patrolling every 10 minutes. It was the complete opposite of what I grew up in. It was a hard adjustment for me.
The two main reasons I struggled to embrace the new home are that I was extremely bored and extremely homesick. I wanted to move back to the set. I missed my old neighborhood. I missed my people. The set was a part of who I was. At least, that’s what I thought at the time. Things got so bad for me at times that I would walk back from Beach Park to Waukegan. I’d sneak out of the house and make my way back to the set. I was lucky if I had a bike. It’s a decent trip. It’s at least a 20 minute drive, but walking took me over 2 hours.
I would get there and only have a couple of hours to hang out before it got dark and I’d have to find a ride home, only to have to answer questions from my mom about where I where I’d been if she’d made it home from work before I did. I would make the most of my time there and then be scared as hell trying to find a ride home. Most days it was worth it.
During the week, Waukegan was usually off limits because my mom worked and I had school. Most weekends and pretty much every summer I spent my time at my grandma’s house in the set. The summer of 2010 was no different.
On July 3rd, 2020 the day started off like any other—boring as hell. There usually wasn’t much going on, not even in the summer. However, just being there felt like home to me. Most of my friends were there. On this day I remember hanging out with my best friend. We spent almost every day together during the summer chasing girls and getting into all sorts of things we shouldn’t have been.
We were walking around and stumbled upon a group of guys shooting dice. I played around with the dice a little bit, but usually with friends who I was comfortable with and always for fun. I would have a few loose dollars and would try and come up with a few more. Never anything serious and never with strangers. I have been around enough dice games and serious gamblers to know the potential for b******* was always high during dice games and it’s best to avoid them. For some reason I decided to ignore my own advice that day. I jumped in the dice game and was down pretty quick. Instead of getting out like I normally would, I stayed in and lost more money than I was comfortable with. I lost most of the money I had in my pocket. I stepped away from the game feeling stupid and a bit salty. I couldn’t be mad at no one but myself because I knew better.
After leaving the dice game I was in in a s***** mood, I had gotten a text from a friend of mine asking if I wanted to go to a hotel party. I remember asking whose party and him giving me a name that I wasn’t familiar with. Initially I wanted to decline. I didn’t feel comfortable showing up at a hotel party that I wasn’t truly invited to, especially when I didn’t know the host. A hotel party is usually different from a house party. They are more intimate and laid back and usually invitation only. House parties are pretty much a free-for-all, the more people the better.
I didn’t feel comfortable going for that reason, but also because my best friend didn’t want to go. In the end I ended up ignoring my instincts, again I told my guy to come pick me up. I was having a bad day after losing my money and wanted to take my mind off of it
Back then when I was 15 years old, I was very shy and introverted. I’ve grown out of that, but back then I struggled with social anxiety a lot. I had a tight circle of friends and I didn’t socialize much outside of that group. That night though, I wanted to be around different people and maybe meet some new female friends. Once we got to the hotel we spent some time just hanging out in the back parking lot area before heading inside. The moment we walked in the room I could tell that some people were surprised that we were there. If I had to guess I would say that there were between 10 to 20 people in the suite. I know maybe five people. The rest were strangers. That made me very uncomfortable, but what really made me uneasy was that it seemed like we weren’t welcome. It was awkward for a second. I think some people in the party were familiar with some of the people who had shown up with us and knew there could be a potential for drama. So that’s how things started off.
Another thing I noticed about the crowd in the suite was that they weren’t what I’d expected. They weren’t like the usual crowds of people I’ve been around at parties. I was used to going to parties where there were always different groups of people there who didn’t get along, or who were chaos agents looking for drama. There was always an element of danger present at these parties. For this reason, and others, I always carried a gun on me whenever I was in Waukegan, or going out with friends. This party was no different.
The crowd of people were different at the party though. Coming into the suite, there was a sense of us not being welcomed initially, but that faded. There was also the sense that we were in the presence of good people who just wanted to have a good time. I didn’t feel threatened in any way, so I left the suite after a few minutes and hid my gun underneath the car along with the front tire. I felt ridiculous having it with me in the party and leaving it outside felt like a burden was taken away from me.
When I made it back into the suite, I found a seat on the sofa. The suite wasn’t that big so there wasn’t too much space to move around. I sat there chilling and everybody was friendly. At some point someone gave me a bottle of Don Julio and we chopped it up for a few minutes. There was a dice game going on in one corner of the room and he wanted in.
After being there for less than an hour, a woman who I’m guessing was the host, abruptly ended the party and told everyone to leave. The party was over and she wanted everyone out. I had no idea what had happened, but she seemed super uncomfortable. It was obvious that something happened because the music was playing and the party was going and then it all stopped in less than an hour. At that moment I felt like she was uncomfortable because there were too many unfamiliar or uninvited people there. I would later find out that the party ended because someone had stolen a laptop and a phone. As a result, everyone went from the suite to the parking lot. Everyone began making plans on where they were heading.
There were a couple of guys who had been shooting dice who were upset that the party ended so abruptly. One of them had lost some money, and you could feel the tension beginning to build.
Anyone who knows anything about the dice games knows that you don’t quit in the middle of the game unless you are the loser. If you’re winning, you must give people a chance to win their money back. you shoot the dice until everyone has fallen back. If you don’t, you create a situation where you might get robbed or worse. This is because in dice, the momentum can shift at any moment and a lot of money could be exchanged in a matter of minutes. Many people who are losing may play until they come back, break even, get ahead, or even play until they’ve lost everything. So that’s when the party ended and everyone was asked to leave. It created a huge problem. To make matters worse, we were hearing that not everyone was asked to leave and there was still a dice game going on inside. That spread pretty quickly and I started seeing guys going back into the hotel to try and get back in the game. Me and a bunch of other guys decided to hang out in the parking lot because we figured no one was being allowed into the suite.
Not long after that I saw the same people leaving the hotel and getting into their cars and taking off. Then more people started coming out and all of them were upset or angry, some were scared. Apparently, someone had gone back into the suite and robbed the dice game.